Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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