Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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