Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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