FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
