its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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