I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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