i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
