i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
