i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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