Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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