you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
