Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
