Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
