I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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