she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
