i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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