Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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