Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
