I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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