I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
