we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
