1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
