Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So vagazzling was a success
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
