shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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