I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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