so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do herpes really smell.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
