just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
