I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
