stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
