Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
