She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
