How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
