I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize