Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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