will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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