There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
