this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
