my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
