I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
