You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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