Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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