I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
