Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
