Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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