singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
