Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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