my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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