I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
