I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
