positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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