were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
