i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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