I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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