**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
