Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
