i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
