Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
