Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
