Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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