If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
