would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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