Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
