new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
