oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
