Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
