So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
