Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
