well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
