life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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