Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
