when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize