just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
