Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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