I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
