we're chasing vodka with high fives
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
