the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
