She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
