She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
